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Part 4 of 5 : Becoming Series |

I started noticing patterns in myself.

Patterns that had quietly shaped every decision I made.

The way I reacted.

The way I loved.

The way I sought approval.

The way I abandoned myself just to feel accepted.

None of them were obvious while I was living them.

But once life slowed me down…

I couldn’t unsee them.

I realised my career hadn’t simply fallen apart because of bad luck.

My relationships hadn’t ended because everyone else was wrong.

There were parts of me that had been silently running my life.

Jealousy.

Comparison.

Insecurity.

The constant need to feel chosen.

To feel important.

To feel worthy.

I spent years trying to fix my circumstances.

When, in reality, the work had always been within me.

As I started observing people around me,

I began recognising the very same patterns in myself.

That was the hardest part.

Not because I judged other people.

But because I finally saw myself clearly.

And I wasn’t sure I liked what I saw.

For a while, I carried a lot of shame.

I kept thinking,

“Is this really who I am?”

But another question slowly replaced it.

What if these weren’t flaws…

What if they were invitations?

Invitations to heal.

To understand myself.

To stop repeating the same emotional patterns.

That question changed everything.

And instead of trying to become someone else…

I became curious about why I was the way I was.

I started reading.

Listening.

Questioning.

Praying.

Some days it was Sadhguru.

Some days it was Krishna Das.

Other days, it was the Bhagavad Gita.

Not because I was looking for religion.

I was looking for understanding.

For the first time, I wasn’t searching for someone to save me.

I was searching for myself.

Slowly…

the answers began arriving.

Not all at once.

Not dramatically.

But quietly.

One insight at a time.

I realised I had spent years asking people to give me what I had never learned to give myself.

Security.

Love.

Acceptance.

Worth.

Looking back now…

I don’t think losing everything was a punishment.

I think it was grace.

Because every part of my life that had been built on validation eventually collapsed.

It had to.

Otherwise I would have never built something stronger.

Today…

I still have flaws.

I still have moments where old patterns return.

But the difference is that

they no longer go unnoticed

I can see them, 

And there is something incredibly freeing about looking at yourself honestly…

and still choosing to love the person looking back.

(Head to part 5)