Versions.in

Part 2 of 5 : Becoming Series |

Every cell in my body knew something wasn’t right.

But I didn’t want to rock the boat.

Wasn’t this supposed to be perfect?

Wasn’t this the life I had always wanted?

“Maybe I’m just overthinking”, I kept telling myself that.

Until what I was feeling inside slowly started showing up on the outside.

I felt disconnected – From my career. From the relationship. From myself.

The differences we had once managed to hide behind were becoming impossible to ignore.

Not just for us.

For everyone around us.

And while everything around me was slowly falling apart, I tried my best to hold it together.

I tried to fix every crack.

But that’s the thing about cracks.

You can hide them for a while.

You can pretend they aren’t there.

But eventually…

they show.

I stopped recognising myself.

Why wasn’t I confident anymore?

Why did I suddenly need everyone else’s reassurance just to get through the day?

I didn’t want to pretend I was okay.

I’d lock myself inside the office washroom and cry.

Wash my face.

Take a deep breath.

Walk back to my desk.

And carry on as though nothing had happened.

At night, I replayed conversations over and over again.

Wondering what I could have said differently.

Wondering if I wasn’t enough.

Wondering if I was simply too much.

I kept looking for something that would make me feel better.

A podcast.

A motivational reel.

A quote on Instagram.

But none of it stayed with me.

Because the problem wasn’t on the surface.

My foundation was breaking.

Eventually, I made one of the hardest decisions of my life.

I left my job.

Around the same time, my relationship came to an end too.

It felt like life had pulled the ground from beneath my feet.

Still…

I found another job.

And for a brief moment, I felt relieved.

At least I still had a career.

At least something had worked out.

But it didn’t take long to realise I had carried the same version of myself into a different office.

The job had changed.

I hadn’t.

I survived my days.

I cried through my nights.

Every morning felt heavier than the last.

I stared at my laptop hoping I’d somehow find direction.

Instead, I found silence.

And slowly…

even this chapter began to come to an end.

Head to part 3…